Hi! So sorry if anyone went to Unraveled DIY Festival last night looking for me at my Jennifer Inspired table! I had to cancel and stay home, because,
#1) I was battling a toothache, and had had little sleep the night before, and
#2) I was just plain exhausted and totally unprepared mentally and physically.
And, I'd like to explain this. As you know from reading my blog, I don't usually go indepth into the day to day emotions of my life, I am much more focused on keeping everything informational, professional, upbeat, and artwork/creativity focused. Well, I am going to share this little insight with you all simply in hopes that it may be what someone else needs to hear at this moment.
So, here is the scenario....I was up until 3:30 am friday morning working on artwork, and I couldn't sleep with how my tooth was feeling. I finally went to bed, got back up at 6:30 am. Worked and organized and prepared to pack up to leave the house by 2:00 pm ---- and I stopped. I stared at the computer screen as little cards with Etsy shop discounts printed out, I thought about how the left side of my mouth still hurt from my defective tooth issue, my head spun a bit from lack of sleep, and my brain kept saying 'come on, we almost got this, work a little harder, work a little faster, you signed up, you paid money, people are expecting you'...and that - right there - is when I heard the other voice.
Jenny ... hellooooooooooo? ... you hoo??? STOP IT!!
Stop it. Stop it right now. What are you trying to prove? It is a 3 HOUR ART FAIR -- who cares if you sit this one out -- you are not ready, you are frazzled, tired, filled with anxiety, and quite frankly in no condition to be around people, much less, be happy and smiling and trying to sell your artwork and books! Pull yourself together, contact the show coordinator and take some time to reevaluate.
This is the part where I sat down and closed my eyes. What am I doing??? Every single time I have an event, class, show, insert scheduled activity here, I wait and wait and wait and do everything but what I supposed to do in preparation, right up until the last minute. Then I rush through, it usually is fine, not my best, but fine, and under pressure and stress and will power alone I come out on the otherside. And then I sit and think, 'oh if only I had more time, it would have been better, I could have done this or that'...
That stops now. I am done procrastinating, I am done piling on the projects. I have to be, because I can't keep doing things this way. Everything suffers when I do, and the one who suffers the most is me.
EPIPHANY
WHEN I NEED TO SAY NO, IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO.
TO DO MY BEST I NEED TO TAKE MY TIME.
I HAVE TO BE PATIENT WITH MYSELF AND BE KIND TO MYSELF.
WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPENS AND I AM GOOD ENOUGH.
Thanks for listening! xo Jennifer
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